Of a stubborn woman

I have been quite sick, thus the radio silence in the past week. Worry not though, you can't kill this rock'n'roll mom's spirit this easily and I'm back on my feet doing the brave laundry duty and wiping counters and cleaning the mess my sickness left behind. Honestly though, it was not my sickness, it was the three men I live with who are unable to see clutter and mess and thus do not deal with it unless I kindly (angrily) remind them to. So, I am back on my stubborn feet even if I have learned it might be better for me to be a little less stubborn.

The epic climax of my little journey to my inner diva from last weekend was a doctor at the ER asking me, if my significant other would wish to see me before I went to the surgery. Granted, I was in pain, but at that moment my stubborn nature crumbled and I snapped at the poor doctor:

"No, my significant other will not be seeing me before the surgery because I am so utterly insignificant!"

The doctor backed away from me slowly and went to get the wonderful surgeon and his team to knock me out.

Now, a few hours before that episode I was sitting at the urgent care with a note in my hand telling me to go to the hospital for more exams and possible urgent surgery. The rest of my impossible family had spent the day at the zoo, as I had insisted they go as planned even though I was headed to the urgent care after staying up the night in pain. So there I sat and decided to give up on my "I can do anything alone" attitude and call the impossible husband to come drive me to the ER. This is how the phone call went:

"I need to get to the ER for more exams and a possible surgery, will you come drive me there?"

"Uh, sure, I guess. I mean what about the kids? I was just about to give them dinner."

"Uh, figure something out. I'm in pain and I need you here."

"Well, I can't just leave them alone."

"Take them to the pay by hour daycare center."

"Yeah.. I guess I could."

"You guess?"

"Huh?"

"YOU GUESS? For crying out loud you moron, whatever, I'll drive myself to the damn surgery. It's not like I can't survive alone - its just pain and a surgery!"

I admit, I admit! I was using my womanly manipulative logic and I was truly sure I could do it alone. At that moment the impossible husband seemed extremely uncaring and unknightly. So, I packed my papers and notes and drove my mommy-SUV to the ER in tears, just out of spite.

Needless to say, I also lay there for the eve alone out of spite. Poor impossible husband tried to text me a few times asking if I wanted him to come. I "kindly" told him to stay away... until of course the poor doctor came in asking of my significant other. In the husband's defense, when I woke up from the surgery, he was right there and the children were safely with a friend of mine. Bonus points!

I can't help but wonder - what is the womanly need to deal with everything alone and independently and yet still need the caring of a man? And would there have been anything the impossible husband could have done at that point, to make me happier? If I have decided to be cranky, I will be cranky and god help the man who tries to make it better - I will simply take it out on him. If the man does not understand when he is expected to be the knight and the saviour, it is my right to act up, right?

Or maybe, just maybe, I should stop being so stubborn and hard headed and simply give in and accept the fact that there will never be a day when the impossible husband learns the lines I have written for him in my head.