Babies havin' babies - the different kind of story

Before I piss someone off, let me start by saying that this post is not about encouraging teens to get pregnant nor is it about judging people who for some reason became parents in their teen years. It is just such a DELICIOUSLY personal topic for me!

I live in a big city, but the community I moved in a couple of years back is a very tight one. Everyone knows everyone, and everyone knew my family before we even got here. I didn't know anyone though so I was quite surprised to encounter a few of these people who had decided they already knew me.

"Welcome! So you are the teen mom! Wow! It's really wonderful for the man to take care of you and your child, many men could not take such responsibility!"

... Okay hold on lady, excuse me what? First of all at that time I was way out of my teenage years and my older one had just entered elementary school. Secondly, I had never met this person but the word had gotten around about the new kid on the block of pearl white SUV's and hidden agendas in perfect manicures. Thirdly, did this hag honestly think I had married another man, a saving knight to support me and my bastard son?

Hold your horses and back off - I ain't done with you lady. Trust me, I've answered all the questions in the world, so here goes few of the most delicious ones:

- Are you pregnant? You sure look pregnant but you're only 18! (Naah, I just ate a really big turkey this Christmas, must be that, we'll see in few months)

- But how come you are pregnant at the age of 18? (This might take a while but let me tell you how babies are made...)

- Is there some religious reason behind this decision of yours? (Sure, we all at the church got together and decided I should decide to get pregnant!)

- This is a really big shame, considering you are one of our best students, I can't believe you're throwing your studies and your career away! (You know, my pregnancy does not exactly stop me from studying... just saying... )

- But what about the dad? Where is he? (At work, hopefully, beacause I will need some new jeans soon to fit this turkey tummy in!)

- You mean the dad is in the picture? That is very brave of him! (Brave indeed, I can be quite the scary witch from time to time! How unfair of me to get pregnant alone and put him in such a tough spot.)

- But how could you let such an irresponsible accident happen? (I believe the actual act was quite intentional, and atfer a few months of trying we were quite glad of the results!)

- You can't honestly tell me thatvyou and your guy actually planned to get a child when you are only 18 years old and actually want to get married? (Does it make it easier for you to understand my personal decisions in life if  
 I act the part you've written me in in your head?)

- But you have tattoos and you play rock! (Okay, no one ever said that but I could surely see that in their terrified eyes)

I have met some of these people now, years and years later, and I always feel such a sweet little tickle in my tummy when they approach me asking of my son and "how I eventually managed to pull through". I'm oh so glad to tell them I now have two boys, and that the same brave husband is still around, and that I finished my university studies even if a few years later than my peers... and that I still play in a rock band.

Now, please tell me I am fortunate and that most of the teenagers who end up with a baby are not as lucky. I will gladly agree, tell you I did not end up with a baby but rather planned it, and proceed to tell you luck had nothing to do with this - it was pure determination, crazy young love and hard work, just like in any other new family and marriage. Age is just a number, eh?

Mommy friends - TO AVOID

I have been blessed with some wonderful, loving, understanding no-nonsense mommy friends. Some of them became friends way before the mommy times, some of them I have met just recently. I'm thankful.

I have also met not so wonderful mommy friends. You know, that someone who can get you down by simple seemingly harmless remark or just by one meaningful glance. We've all been there, either giving that glance or receiving it. The people you pass by in your life will not get to you, but be aware of these friends who linger in your life draining you dry:

THE COMPETITOR MOM

Healthy competing is fun, I actually encourage it but... You know the mom by the soccer field pointing out how your child has "improved a lot from what he was" when her own sweetie goals for the 13th time and yours is mindlessly running after the ball with no direction what so ever? The mom who always seems to top your wonderful gym record, when you tell others you've managed to drag your lazy self to the bodypump twice this week? How about the woman who brings a darn homemade cake to the office the day after you've brought some chocolate for your colleagues? Yup. Avoid her.

THE "ALWAYS BETTER" MOM

You're frowning as you watch your 12 month old barely walking at the playground, falling over and over again as she tries to learn the secret of walking - and surely enough this mom type is right there telling you her  little one learned to walk at fresh 8 months of age and is actually now at 12 months taking part in the baby ballet. When your older one acts up at school and drops the F bomb, this mom friend is there to smugly wonder where the child learned the word - must be the tv shows or by parental example! Oopsie. Yeah, just go away.

THE GOSSIP MOM

What Suzie says of Sally tells more about Suzie than Sally! "Have you heard Mia gives her toddler marshmallows for snack? How about the Robinssons, I heard the Mr has his eyes on his co-worker... No wonder, I've never seen the Mrs in anything else but her sweats..." The odds are, you're one of her gossipy targets!

THE POLICE MOM

There is always that one mom who will point out any and all mishaps of your sweet little angels, the smaller the better. She will notice when they take the shovel from another kid, she will notice when they call each other names, she will point out they had a wild day at the school and she heard the teacher wondering why your baby was so hyper... And she will also take action on the smallest of issues. If you try to ignore these wrong doings, she will advice you to keep a better eye on your children. Obviously, Siperia does not teach at the playground, the police mom does.

THE PERFECT MOM

I've actually gotten baking tips from a Perfect Mom. She makes her own butter and flour, and bakes everything from scratch. Her children grow purely on organic fiber filled super foods in perfectly balanced perfectly decorated perfect world. Her marriage is wonderful, exciting and romantic, her nails are always done and her kids are never sick. Their family vacation photos look like they're taken by a professional photographer. She is never tired even though she never drinks coffee - she gets her doze of healthy antioxidants from virgin white tea. Even her damned pearl white SUV is always clean! Wow, unless you're as perfect, stay away!

Cheers, a glass of Chardonnay for all you normal, failing, wonderful and honest true friends!

Of a stubborn woman

I have been quite sick, thus the radio silence in the past week. Worry not though, you can't kill this rock'n'roll mom's spirit this easily and I'm back on my feet doing the brave laundry duty and wiping counters and cleaning the mess my sickness left behind. Honestly though, it was not my sickness, it was the three men I live with who are unable to see clutter and mess and thus do not deal with it unless I kindly (angrily) remind them to. So, I am back on my stubborn feet even if I have learned it might be better for me to be a little less stubborn.

The epic climax of my little journey to my inner diva from last weekend was a doctor at the ER asking me, if my significant other would wish to see me before I went to the surgery. Granted, I was in pain, but at that moment my stubborn nature crumbled and I snapped at the poor doctor:

"No, my significant other will not be seeing me before the surgery because I am so utterly insignificant!"

The doctor backed away from me slowly and went to get the wonderful surgeon and his team to knock me out.

Now, a few hours before that episode I was sitting at the urgent care with a note in my hand telling me to go to the hospital for more exams and possible urgent surgery. The rest of my impossible family had spent the day at the zoo, as I had insisted they go as planned even though I was headed to the urgent care after staying up the night in pain. So there I sat and decided to give up on my "I can do anything alone" attitude and call the impossible husband to come drive me to the ER. This is how the phone call went:

"I need to get to the ER for more exams and a possible surgery, will you come drive me there?"

"Uh, sure, I guess. I mean what about the kids? I was just about to give them dinner."

"Uh, figure something out. I'm in pain and I need you here."

"Well, I can't just leave them alone."

"Take them to the pay by hour daycare center."

"Yeah.. I guess I could."

"You guess?"

"Huh?"

"YOU GUESS? For crying out loud you moron, whatever, I'll drive myself to the damn surgery. It's not like I can't survive alone - its just pain and a surgery!"

I admit, I admit! I was using my womanly manipulative logic and I was truly sure I could do it alone. At that moment the impossible husband seemed extremely uncaring and unknightly. So, I packed my papers and notes and drove my mommy-SUV to the ER in tears, just out of spite.

Needless to say, I also lay there for the eve alone out of spite. Poor impossible husband tried to text me a few times asking if I wanted him to come. I "kindly" told him to stay away... until of course the poor doctor came in asking of my significant other. In the husband's defense, when I woke up from the surgery, he was right there and the children were safely with a friend of mine. Bonus points!

I can't help but wonder - what is the womanly need to deal with everything alone and independently and yet still need the caring of a man? And would there have been anything the impossible husband could have done at that point, to make me happier? If I have decided to be cranky, I will be cranky and god help the man who tries to make it better - I will simply take it out on him. If the man does not understand when he is expected to be the knight and the saviour, it is my right to act up, right?

Or maybe, just maybe, I should stop being so stubborn and hard headed and simply give in and accept the fact that there will never be a day when the impossible husband learns the lines I have written for him in my head.

Swiper no swiping my sleep!

I officially hate Dora, and I officially hate iCarly. I can't finish my morning coffee without annoyedly replying to silly questions. I admit, there is a valid theory of teaching a new language to a kid, but it still bugs me greatly.

Yes, I have a preschooler and an older elementary kid in the house. Yes, they are both boys. Yes, they love Dora and iCarly. No, I don't love either (shows, I do love the boys... usually).

My younger one woke up in the middle of the night in terror screaming "Swiper no Swiping!". Needless to say I was not happy about this interruption of my precious sleep and took my annoyance out on poor Swiper. I have done my share of waking up in the middle of the night. In my book, if you don't have a baby in the house, you're supposed to get full night sleep. I rarely do, and when I don't get my sleep because of Swiper swiping, I get horribly cranky.

I know most of the theme songs of the kiddo shows by heart, not willingly. They just simply stick with me  for years and years. Sometimes I still sing Bob the Builder theme just because it was a big hit back when my older one was a toddler. Does anyone remember Schnappi? If not, please feel free to youtube the theme song and prepare to sing it for weeks.

... Luckily I'm not the only one who has to suffer through these theme songs. The guys in our little rock band get their fair share of theme song pain when I warm up my voice by singing Imagination Movers. I do it just for revenge, and love every moment of it.

Party Pumps - The sorry story of a clearance addiction

I love sales. I love online shopping and coupon codes. I love 30 % off printable coupons and buy 1 get 2 free sales. It is honestly quite desperate – I get emails from The Body Shop, Aeropostale, Carter’s, Bath and Bodyworks, Guess, Coach, Hilfiger, OshKosh, Payless Shoes…. you name it, I’m on it!

The problem is I also buy everything I see on clearance. And I really mean everything. I will buy the too small shirt expecting I will be skinny enough to wear it. I will buy the size too large jeans expecting I will one day be a little more “full figured” to wear them. It’s just ten bucks, you can’t leave Levi’s jeans on the shelf if they cost 10 bucks!

I believe my best (or worst) reasoning behind a sale buy was this – I was shopping with my little sister quite a while ago, the time before the two monsters ,and we found a great shoe sale. Mind you, I’m a tall woman and tall women don’t have small feet. I’m sorry if I scared off some perverted male readers of my blog now, I truly am. In any case, I tried on these perfect pumps. Nice high heels, nice black and white coloring, cute peep toe… and a half of a size too small for me. They were tight and uncomfortable but looked amazingly good. I bought them. Yes, I hit the rock bottom of all clearance shoppers.

“I will be wearing these when I go partying!” I told my little sister, “I will be drunk enough to not feel the pain, really!”  She eyed me in frown for a long silent moment. I still bought them.

… I never wore the shoes. The pair was simply too tight and I sold them later on. Still, the memory of the shoes haunts me every time I go to a shoe store. I would like to think I learned something valuable about myself, shoes and sales. 

Happy International Women's Day!

So my impossible husband let me sleep in this morning - in our house it means sleeping till 8 am. And to all you wild and free single women, sleeping till 8 am is actually a big deal when you live with two monsters and a man who is more interested in his 5k personal record than in your boobs.

"Happy Women's Day, woman", said the impossible husband and made me chicken noodle soup for breakfast before leaving to the office. Granted, I did demand a fancy breakfast in bed since it is the International Women's Day - did you honestly think he got the idea of breakfast himself? Obviously chicken ramen noodles were the only thing in our pantry today. I didn't complain though.

Women, in general, are quite fascinating. We have breasts, which are neat and can feed another new life. We have period, which is not neat and makes us horribly cranky. A male friend once told me PMS is called PMS because mad cow disease was already taken. Yes, I did slap him for it. We also have amazing talent to logically twist every word around and make every situation seem like the guys fault. That is probably why we actually secretly run this world and we use the talent often. We love overthinking and drama, but say we don't do drama, so we wouldn't seem childish or clingy. We are no nonsense ladies when it comes to anything threatning our children, but if something threats our husbands we think they're wussies if they need our help to defend themselves. We want the guys to be the Men - provide, take care of us, fix the car and the forever leaking dishwasher, but at the same time we expect them to be loving and gentle, romantic and soft... everywhere else besides in bed. I'm starting to think us women are truly too demanding w(b)itches.

Studies and discussions of equality at home always get a lot of media attention. Gender roles get twisted and turned upside down and people seem to try to find the ultimate balance between mothers and fathers, men and women. Still, the dads who stay at home with the kids are superheros and somehow magnificent fathers. When I see a stay at home mom or a mom who returns to work soon after a baby is born openly praised for their decision in the media, maybe then I can advice the rest of the women to let go of their guilt. Cause let's face it, being a woman means feeling guilty of everything. Not least because of the social pressure.

Its wine o'clock

Why a true lady, enticing wife and a ridiculously good mother should always have a bottle of wine, preferably Chardonnay, in their fridge -  These situations come unexpectedly and call for a glass of wine:

1) You end up yelling at your children "This is the third and last time! If you do not shut that xbox and do your homework, I swear I will strangle you and then let your father do it too!"

2) Your ridiculously pedant husband reminds you that he wants his polo t-shirts neatly folded in three, not in two as you had been doing  for the last hour after just going through the whole pile of laundry lingering accusingly on the laundryroom floor.

3) Your girlfriend has lost 5 pounds in a week.

4) You were surrounded by Honda Odysseys in the traffic from the office/Walmart, driven by exhausted mothers who tried to feed the baby, hand  the homework book to the middle kid and argue with the teenager  - all while trying to drive their way too big vans, just to make you almost drive off the road when trying to avoid a crash, yelling "Learn to multitask lady!"

5) You decide to go through the hit songs of your youth in Youtube. (Calls for a bottle, or two)

6) You text your neighbor "Wine?" on the exact time as she text you "Im drunk, wanna come over?"

7) You drag yourself out of the bed at 7am to hit the gym at 8am and think you are super active and fit... just to get a text from a friend telling she ran half-marathon at 6am.

8) You bought new fancy wine glasses from TJ MAXX.

9) You still can't fit into your motiation jeans.

10) A recipe called for red wine and you "accidently" opened the Chardonnay. Hey, a gal can't waste a perfectly good wine, even if it is 1pm on a Sunday and you just got home from church. The kids probably weren't behaving there anyway and you need it.